It’s that time of year where every football site in the world makes up some predictions to fill in the monotony of pre-season where there is absolutely nothing to talk about other than which naff player has joined which naff club. So it is our turn to come up with an entirely inaccurate picture of what League 2 will look like at 5pm on the 8th May 2010.

Accrington Stanley

You have to have a certain admiration for Accy – much like ourselves they are sustaining a Football League place on a low budget with unfancied players. However you can’t help but let the sound of the name conjure up anything other than depressing thoughts. Accrington. It just sounds boring doesn’t it? Back to the football, and they’ve lost their rather decent goalkeeper Kenny Arthur but made some good signings including 2 loans, Billy Kee and Alan Martin. You would think this is enough to keep them up but it will be touch-and-go without the plethora of points deductions this season.

Prediction: 22nd

Aldershot Town

Probably not a club that most Daggers will have any regard for, mainly due to a faction of morons amongst their crowd, Aldershot had a season of mid-table obscurity last time out. This time around they’ve attempted to shore up their piss-poor defence but have upsettingly lost long-time figure of fun Nikki Bull who somehow has conned his way in at Brentford.

Prediction: 17th

Barnet

Our only local-ish rivals in the entire division have managed to keep hold of their better players and added Micah Hyde and goalkeeper Jake Cole. With Furlong and O’Flynn knocking the goals in, Barnet should have enough in the tank to be a fixture in mid-table. There isn’t really a lot else to say about them.

Prediction: 11th

Bournemouth

Transfer Embargo FC have obviously done nothing to their playing squad this summer, but they are expected to sign some of their trialists if the embargo is lifted. Not having a points deduction this season is a good start and assuming they are eventually allowed to make some signings, they should be another side that end up safe in the middle of the pile.

Prediction: 13th

Bradford City

After failing to get out of the division last season, Bradford will be operating on a smaller budget this season. They’ve lost some good players but retaining Boulding and Thorne should ensure more than enough goals. Mercurial talent Omar Daley starts the season injured which is a blow and they will probably still be a bit leaky on the road with comedy defender Matt Clarke in the side. Manager McCall didn’t exactly do brilliantly with a big budget so playoffs are again just a hope on a smaller one.

Prediction: 9th

Burton Albion

At one stage last season the Brewers were on course to win the Conference by a huge margin before a massive wobble left them limping over the line. This worrying form coupled with some uninspiring signings mean that Burton are very likely to ‘do a Dagenham’ and spend most of their debut season flirting with relegation. Now they are no longer Nigel Clough’s Burton Albion, they will probably fade back into obscurity.

Prediction: 23rd

Bury

Last season’s nearly men, finishing outside the promotion places on goal difference and then losing the playoff semi-final, Bury have kept their team intact and added further quality such as Danny Carlton and Ryan Lowe. Last season they walked away from Victoria Road with a 3-1 win without having to do much and this seems to be very much their style. They will surely be hunting for automatic promotion and some glory to go with that of their long-forgotten past. And they should get it.

Prediction: 2nd

Cheltenham Town

The only entertaining part of Cheltenham’s season is likely to be their slightly manic manager Martin Allen and his famous trouser-dropping act. Having been relegated last season, they have shifted a whole host of players out of the exit door and signed the world’s oldest strikeforce of Julian Alsop and Barry Hayles who are rumoured to have a combined age of 97 and are cryogenically frozen between matches. If they thaw out in time, they may score enough goals to stay up but another season of woe is on the cards.

Prediction: 19th

Chesterfield

More famous for the crooked spire in the town rather than any football achievements, Chesterfield are one of those sides that exist just to hover in the middle whilst making a nuisance of themselves. Last time out they came 10th and that was with half a season of goals from the little scrote that is Jamie Ward. They haven’t signed anybody to improve the side but haven’t lost anybody significant either. Hopefully they will repeat last season’s performance at Victoria Road where they had 2 sent off and took a 3-0 beating.

Prediction: 10th

Crewe Alexandra

Another of the relegated sides, Crewe seem to be keeping faith with many of the squad they came down with. With the likes of Anthony Elding and Clayton Donaldson on the books, you can see why they would do this. The additions they have made have been fairly sensible, raiding Histon for two players. On paper they have a good side and that should be enough to see them in the top half of the table.

Prediction: 7th

Dagenham & Redbridge

Oh look, it’s us! Several key players have departed from our ranks this summer, meaning the team that lines up for the first game of the season will probably be 5 players different from last season’s side. Whilst John Still has made a good fist of like-for-like replacements on our notorious budget, it is asking a lot for so many new players to do as well as those they replace. For us to push for the playoffs again, Danny Green and Josh Scott would have to make an immediate step up and Antwi will have to have a solid injury-free season. These things are unlikely to all happen at once.

Prediction: 12th

Darlington

In short, Darlington appear to be stuffed. Do we have any sympathy? No. Another side who have massively overstretched themselves financially, they are now paying for it in the shape of a cobbled-together squad. It is already hard enough for teams like us with a fraction of the income of our rivals, but when they then spend money they don’t have it becomes a farce. So hopefully Darlington will suffer this season and judging by the standard of their signings, they will.

Prediction: 21st

Grimsby Town

The Mariners were woeful last season. This season they should be slightly better. The end.

Prediction: 18th

Hereford United

Gaining promotion two seasons ago was a big achievement for renowned paupers Hereford. However, doing so with a squad made up of 287 loan signings was probably not the best way to go about long-term success and they duly came crashing back down into League 2 at the first attempt. There has been a customary big turnover of players, the likes of Glen Southam, Mark Pugh and Kenny Lunt coming in, and this could spell yet another struggle for the Bulls. Oh, and their ground is likely to fall apart at any moment, meaning they only allow you in if you bring your own hard hat.

Prediction: 20th

Lincoln City

Looking back, Lincoln’s visit to Victoria Road was probably one of the games that cost us a playoff place last time around. They gave us a 3-0 pasting as payback for the 3-1 win we’d taken away from their ground early in the season. These results were actually the exception for Lincoln, who didn’t score many and didn’t concede many on the way to 13th place. They have lost good players like N’Guessan, Frecklington and Beevers this summer and haven’t really replaced them adequately. A nothing season awaits.

Prediction: 15th

Macclesfield Town

Every season Macclesfield seem to struggle, and this season is unlikely to hold any surprises. Quite a sizeable player turnover has occurred yet the overall quality of the squad is still just as uninspiring as ever. I would gladly see them stay up though if they allow us 6 points in the same manner as last season. A crunching 4-0 win at Moss Rose led to praise from none other than David Moyes. Words of praise from the mouth of the Everton boss are like rocking-horse shit, so we will take that!

Prediction: 24th

Morecambe

One club we hope will do well this season is Morecambe. This rare goodwill stems mainly from the playoff semi final between the clubs in 2003. The Daggers won the tie on penalties, but the manner in which both sets of fans reacted in applauding each other was a far cry from the conduct at many football matches. Ignoring the sentimental bollocks, Morecambe have improved their side with Ian Craney and Phil Jevons. This should be enough to see them push on from last season’s 11th place.

Prediction: 6th

Northampton Town

Much like Crewe, it seems Northampton are well equipped to take on League 2. Despite their relegation, they have a decent enough squad and have made additions such as Steve Guinan who should score regularly. It would be fairly surprising if they didn’t challenge for a playoff spot, but it would be nice if they could stay down as they’re considered a local game for us in this northern-dominated league!

Prediction: 4th

Notts County

Based on last season’s showing, County need to improve dramatically. The oldest pro club in the world (you can’t write about County without including this piece of trivia) have certainly tried their best to make this happen with multi-million pound investment from a Middle Eastern consortium. It has become something of a circus with the appointment of Sven Goran Eriksson as Director of Football, presumably so that he can further his prolific shagging career in a new town. You can’t argue that County are building an impressive squad with their new-found (and probably just as easily lost) wealth, and it would be a major surprise if they don’t go up. They are currently 2 players short of being stand-out favourites. Expect Lee Hughes to bang in the goals.

Prediction: 3rd

Port Vale

Robbie Williams’ favourite club certainly came down with a bump last season. Things didn’t go even remotely according to plan with an 18th place finish, but they have appointed Mickey Adams as boss for this campaign. They have signed Geoff Horsfield as a vital part of their hoofball plan and should be better than last season. How much better? Probably not very much.

Prediction: 16th

Rochdale

Despite being rather good last season, Rochdale were also rather good at losing to us. This is a trait looked upon most favourably by 9-men.co.uk. They eased into a playoff place and have since managed to keep their squad looking ship-shape. The playoffs will once again be the target and Dale should manage it.

Prediction: 5th

Rotherham United

Had it not been for their points deduction last season, Rotherham would have been in the playoff places. You have to admit it is impressive to put that sort of season together when you are starting with a mountainous 17 point deficit. In the close season they have added quality such as Tom Pope and Nicky Law. The one cloud is the loss of the pretty damn good Reuben Reid to West Brom. Assuming that the manager will be allowed to replace him with some of the funds, Rotherham look formidable in all departments.

Prediction: 1st

Shrewsbury Town

The irritating Shrews broke Daggers hearts on the final day of last season, snatching a playoff place from our grasp. Pleasingly to our vengeful nature, they appear to have lost several good players such as Holt, Davies and Humphrey. This should mean that they don’t trouble such lofty positions this time around and hopefully they will also experience some payback by way of an agonising finish on the cusp of the playoffs.

Prediction: 8th

Torquay United

The other promoted side, via the backdoor route of the playoffs, should prove better equipped than fellow new boys Burton. Much in the same way Exeter outshone Aldershot and Morecambe outshone ourselves, the playoff winners should again be safe in League 2. Not too much news on the transfer front, but Scott Rendell should score goals during his loan spell.

Prediction: 14th

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 at 10:27 pm and is filed under Ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.