Tannoy announcers very rarely go through their ‘careers’ blemish-free with no audible blunders to their name. Yet there are some that are so damn t-annoying or those that make a faux pas so grand, that they stay etched in your football brain forever. Here is a handful that we’ve plucked out from the wreckage over the years.
When Tim Cole stood at the helm of the Daggers’ rearguard, a trip to Woking brought about an unexpected change in alias for the big man. Instead of the standard ‘Number two…Tim Cole’, we were instead treated to a slightly Gallic variation: ‘Tim Olé’! Perhaps that was a nod to some exhibitionist ‘olé’ passing that the Daggers No.2 was about to exhibit? Not likely – a definite gaffe.
Never a happy hunting ground for the Daggers, many of the lads must have had earplugs at the ready when visiting Ship Lane. The reason? An excruciating, cringe worthy, crime-against-music jingle every time the Fleet scored. The song? ‘It’s got to beeeeeeeeeeeeee, Purfleet’, to the tune of Fairground Attraction’s 1988 hit ‘Perfect’. The original was mediocre at best, and the Purfleet recreation was an utter abomination. It’s no wonder they only mustered a handful of brave supporters trudging through the turnstiles each week. Even they must have dreaded the prospect of their team scoring.
Hornchurch’s ambitious but ultimately ill-fated attempt to gain promotion to the Football League coincided with an equally ill-fated choice of tannoy announcer at The Stadium. Many seasons ago when the Daggers were away from home, a trip to the Urchins (in Ryman League Division 3 at the time) would be a pleasant distraction from the humdrum of Conference Football. However, the Essex club rapidly became a figure of ridicule in non-league circles once their flaky finances finally caught up with them. Yet they enjoyed their moment in the sunshine while it lasted, perhaps a little too much. I have it on good evidence that during the 6-0 drubbing of Basingstoke Town in September 2004, the tannoy announcer insisted on uttering ‘and goal number six is tucked away by…’. The kind of arrogance that eventually bit them on the bum.
Dagenham & Redbridge
Now I’m not one to have a pop at the way things are done at our club but the rapid-fire delivery of half-time scorelines from League 2 and the Premier League while the players are still trudging off the pitch is a tad irritating. Why not let supporters grab their breath before making this announcement? Also, the pre-emptive attendance announcement in the 46th minute, something traditionally reserved for the end of a game, does grind on me a tad. The next thing you know, the man-of-the-match award will be unveiled in the first half!
Being a northern-based penny-pinching university student a few moons ago now, a trip to the Seadogs was affordable and not too far to travel. These games never delivered a deluge of goals, as the Daggers ground out some impressive results. It was therefore no surprise that when the chips were down for Boro at the McCain, their tannoy announcer insisted on belting out his announcements. It really was deafening, perhaps an attempt at rousing the locals who only saw their team score twice in six home encounters with the East Londoners.